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Joke of the Day
"She has a weimerhi...wimerrihym....wimmerhie... She has a big gray dog."
Next Joke
"I don't care about Disney lying about my Prince Charming. I'm more pissed about forest creatures and their unwillingness to clean my house."
"I wake up relatively happy every morning. Then I interact with other people and things change quickly"
"How many NorCal kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Hella."
"How can you tell that God is a man, and not a woman? If God were a woman, she would have made semen taste like chocolate!"
"Me and the other guys from the circus.... ... took a night off to see some stand-up comedy but he was really mean and cutting. He went straight for the juggler."
"Anybody hear about what happened when Nietzche died? Oh, well I guess it doesn't really matter anyway..."
"There are TV shows literally every day so no I am not free to hang out ever."
"Happy birthday to England's Prince George, who turns 1 today. The prince's first birthday party was a little different. His bouncy castle was an actual castle. And the pony rides were on Camilla."
"Show him you care by leaving the message ""I see you"" on his bathroom mirror."