149004

Joke of the Day

"My friends said I looked kinda like Hitler from the side I'm laterally Hitler"

"How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altarboy"

"""Wanna see a movie?"" ""Can't. Don't exist yet."" ""Shit."" (1700s)"

"*gets to front of unemployment line* yes I'd like to be unemployed"

"North Korea banned the use of sarcasm towards the government; I wouldn't last an hour before they executed me."

"Why did the commuter want the carpool driver to take the bridge? To avoid car-pool tunnel!"

"You'll end up real disappointed if you grow up thinking everyone has the same heart as you do."

"Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than I anticipated...go figure."

"I joke but this Scotland thing is nuts. I mean...imagine if Canada ever tried to secede from the U.S."

"I want a girlfriend with OCD, that way whenever I want to go home I can just say ""Are you sure you checked the stove before we left?"""