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Joke of the Day

"I need a joke. I need a quick joke to tell Dennis tomorrow. He always tells me a good one and I want to hit him back with a good one."

"Knock knock. Who's there? April Fool day :)"

"You can pretend you're a ghost at pottery barn, there's no laws against that"

"Did you know Eazy E has a brother. His name is Hard D."

"How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? just 2."

"Are there any 6 foot penguins round here? Asked the stranger who just pulled up wih his truck outside a bar. ""No"" the barkeep replied. ""Well fuck,"" he said, ""I guess I just ran over a nun..."""

"[at divorce lawyer] bad news, currently all your husbands assets are frozen ""he didn't"" he bought 1547 copies of it, he must really hate you"

"Me: Ew, what sort of shop is this? It just sells dead birds? My cat: Pick out whatever you want, birthday boy. It's on me."

"Not sure why people ask what I'll be doing in 5 years, it's not like I have 2020 vision"

"Do women know that it's perfectly legal to apply makeup at home before they get in their car?"