148466

Joke of the Day

"[at divorce lawyer] bad news, currently all your husbands assets are frozen ""he didn't"" he bought 1547 copies of it, he must really hate you"

"Do you think when dead people get tired of being dead they commit life?"

"What did Dr. Frankenstein say when his monster showed up for the ball? You look quite put-together this evening."

"What does a constipated virgin think about this punchline? He doesn't give a fuck or a shit."

"A husband and a wife were at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. ""Och, I look like a pig!"" The man nods, ""And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"""

"Can I get an amen? AMEN! Can I get a b-men? BMEN! Can I get a c-men? CME--*the whole church laughs*"

"What's the difference between a porcupine and a Ferrari? With a porcupine, the prick is on the outside."

"A bear walks into a bar. When he get to the bar he says ""I' ll have a rum and.......coke."" ""Why the long pause?"" asks the bartender. The bear replies ""Well, I am a bear"""

"How many ants does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only 2, but fuck if I know how they got in there"

"[doctor hands wife urn] Ma'am, I'm afraid your husband didn't make it. ""Nooo!"" she cries. Oh, he's fine. But he didn't make this lovely urn."