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Joke of the Day

"What kind of dog wears a uniform and medals ? A guard dog !"

"The next batch of women who get plastic surgery Will have a stamp on their paperwork that shows they made with 33% recycled Joan Rivers."

"Me: I can't get this star on top of the Christmas tree without a ladder, without dumping it over & ruining it. Whiskey: Yes you can."

"Why did the cannibal only eat coma patients? The doctor said he needed more vegetables in his diet."

"Mickey Mouse is in court ... the judge looks and Mickey and says ""Why are you divorcing Minnie? is she crazy?"" Mickey looks at the judge and says ""No. She is fucking Goofy"""

"Saw a group of ants carrying a Funyun and it made me wish my friends and I had a giant Funyun."

"TIL that Benjamin Franklin loved containers. It was frequently said that Ben was on a bin binge."

"If there was a competition for saggy tits, my wife would beat everyone. In fact, she'd wipe the floor with them."

"He already ruined your mascara, don't let him ruin your night."

"You know it's a really good bar when there's a couple outside breaking up."