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Joke of the Day

"Look, I know you really miss her. But, you know what? Sometimes things aren't meant to be. One time I really wanted this waffle...."

"What's brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dr Dre...."

"Last night, I had a dream that I was walking on a white sandy beach... At least that explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning..."

"We've secretly replaced the G with a K on this bottle of Jergens. Let's see if he notices."

"What song did Scar sing when he fixed his car horn? Beep Repaired I'll show myself out."

"Tickle me Elmo was recalled They forgot to give him two test tickles."

"How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? More than 30, my basement is still dark."

"Using a pencil to vote in the 2015 General Election... As safe an option as letting Jimmy Saville volunteer in a Kids Hospital."

"It's 2011 and we're not driving dragons? The future sickens me."

"Have you seen Stevie Wonder's house? ...neither has he!"