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Joke of the Day

"My wife said something that meant a lot to me. ""500 trillion."""

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"If I had a dollar for every time I overexaggerated I'd have, like, a billion dollars"
"I can't believe my girlfriend just called me old fashioned And with her ankles showing, the slut"
"Where do baby soy beans come from? they come from edamames"
"Sorry about all the typos lately, gays."
"What goes thru a bug's mind when it hits your windshield? It's asshole."
"I bought myself two eggplants and so far neither has laid a single egg."
"You may call it ""alcohol abuse"" but I've never heard alcohol complain."
"Why did Star Wars episodes 4, 5, and 6 come before 1, 2, and 3? Because in charge of scheduling, Yoda was."
"My dad's addicted to christmas dinner But he's been cold turkey every meal since."