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Joke of the Day

"What did the circus owner say to the human-cannonball when the he wanted to retire? How will I ever find another performer of your caliber? (Source: a dad on thanksgiving)"

"Defending why he has a dislike of gay guys... Ok look I know they're not all bad but you have to admit they hang around a lot of assholes."

"What's a frog's favorite pass-time on the internet? (Sorry if this is a re-post.) Reeeedit *(Say/think it in a frog voice!)*"

"Son, I'm not a mad scientist, just a disappointed scientist."

"My friend was being attacked by a duck. I tried to warn him but it only made things worse."

"During an appointment, a doctor tells his patient, ""You have got to stop masturbating!"" The patient gets concerned and asks, ""Why? Is it affecting my health?"" ""No! I'm just trying to examine you!"""

"What kind of pizzas did Al Qaeda deliver to the World Trade Center? Two large plains."

"What does a color blind racist say? I don't see color I see race"

"I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?"

"Judge: Show us on this doll where the man hurt you. Me: He didn't. But watch this. [I make the doll do a backflip] Judge: Holy shit lol"