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Joke of the Day

"What does an agnostic man with insomnia and dyslexia do in his free time? He stays awake all night wondering if there's a Dog."

"What's the difference between Jacob Sartorious and Hitler? Hitler knows when to kill himself."

"How many Freudians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. One to screw in the bulb, and the other to hold the penis. LADDER! I MEANT LADDER!"

"Whats brown and sticky? A stick."

"So I was all ""I'm not taking any shit from you, bitch"" and she was all ""to speak to a member of our customer service team, press 1""."

"A termite walks into a bar... And asks ""Is the bartender here?"""

"What's the similarity between iPhone 7 and my girlfriend? They both let me stick it in only one place."

"I have the Emergency Alert Warning sound set as the ringtone for when my wife calls."

"Apparently ""I'll break your god damn legs"" isn't the problem solving skills that employers are looking for, at least according to HR anyway."

"My uncle always said ""One in the hand is worth two in the bush."" He died a virgin."