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Joke of the Day

"Two grains of sand were walking together in the desert. Suddenly, one turned to the other and said, ""Dude, I think we're being followed."""

"what did one prick say to the other prick? nothing they were both stuck up cunts"

"What does a musician use to build a house? A tuba-four"

"A baby that is starting to wake up from a nap is like a solar eclipse. Whatever you do, do not look directly at it."

"How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just beat the room for being black."

"*finally finds comfiest position in bed* bladder: so you're not going to believe this"

"Did you know there's a type of spider that eats snails and uses the shell as armor to attack birds? That's not true. I'm sorry."

"What's a mathematicians favourite plant? Any that has a square root!"

"In response to the Country Singer lightbulb joke, how many guitarists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 13. 1 to do it, and 12 to say they could do it better."

"A woman walked into a bar and asked the bartender for a double-entendre... so he gave it to her."