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Joke of the Day

"Did you know there's a type of spider that eats snails and uses the shell as armor to attack birds? That's not true. I'm sorry."

"You wanna know the best food to eat when sad? Cheerios"

"I used to sell office supplies to the mafia, file cabinets and label makers and such I was involved in very organized crime"

"Bathroom Boy: Can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: Only if you can say the alphabet Boy: OK abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz Teacher: Where's the p? Boy: ""Half way down my leg."

"What do you call a fish with no eyes? Blind, probably."

"Monday Morning......Rolling out of bed is easy. Getting up off the floor is another story."

"I care about how girls feel. The firmer the better."

"Pretty cool how money could literally solve all my problems."

"A man walks onto an elevator There's a woman on it he looks at her says can i smell your feet ? The woman looks in disgust , no! She replies. Oh it must be your pussy then."

"My teenage daughter is TRYING to say, ""I miss you dad, please take me fishing."" But it keeps coming out like, ""Hey, can I have $20 dollars."""