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Joke of the Day

"I'm constantly amazed at how different my twin daughters are. Lisa is so much more positive & confident than her sister Hog Face."

"I could lose 120 pounds in less than a week, but apparently there's some kind of silly NewYork law against killing your ex."

"Why did nVidia built the first self-driving car? (on all conditions) Because their drivers keep crashing."

"Last week I tried talking to a politician about rape laws... She couldn't see where I was coming from."

"""Sorry, I forgot to pay attention. But yeah, I have no idea where we are now. There definitely shouldn't be cows."" ~me giving directions"

"What did people say after two satellite dishes got married? The wedding was dull, but the reception was great."

"Greeks lined up for ATM? Isn't that kinda their thing?"

"Fool me once, shame on me. Fool your Japanese father, shame on your whole family."

"an always fun part of dating an extremely cool girl is learning just how many of her guy friends are secretly in love with her"

"What was the preferred magazine of the bear that hung out behind the library? Digest Readers."