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Joke of the Day

"Make it a Great Friday by not getting nailed to a cross."

"Hagrid is so fat The Sorting Hat put him in the Waffle House"

"At the restaurant I heard a lady say her taco was too salty. My wife had to leap over the table and cover my mouth before I said something."

"a woman wrote a c function to calculate the weight of her breasts the program crashed due to stack overflow"

"You shouldn't make fun of people who use Viagra. It's hard enough for them already."

"Just want to point out the NRA's plan to stop school shootings is literally the plot of Kindergarten Cop."

"I gave my 1yo a chocolate covered raisin. He chewed, paused, then gave me a look that told me he will never trust another human being again."

"Rant ""What do we want!?"" ""No daylight savings!"" ""When do we want it!?"" ""An hour ago!!!"""

"My girlfriend and I have been arguing a lot recently Last night she threw a lettuce at me. That's just the tip of the iceberg."

"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and expense reports."