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Joke of the Day

"Why do Stasi officers make such good taxi drivers? You get in the car and they already know your name and where you live."

"Irish wedding vs. Irish funeral (Possibly offensive? Naah...) What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk."

"After I changed sex, my daughter has been ignoring me.. It seems like I'm transparent"

"I tried looking for cover versions of Milli Vanilli songs but it turned out that they weren't the original ones."

"Contemplating the merits of the Oxford comma as I head down to Florida to see my parents, Donald Trump and Marco Rubio"

"*closes twitter* *opens up instagram* *scrolls* *scrolls* *closes instagram* *opens up twitter*"

"Bad is accidently sending your buddy a dirty sext intended for your girlfriend. Worse is getting 'lemme think about it' for a reply."

"My parallel parking skills are unparalleled."

"There's no 5 second rule at my house. The dog is much quicker than that."

"I want to write in my resume how experienced I am in burning bridges... ...but I don't have anybody to use as a reference."