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Joke of the Day

"Why do Stasi officers make such good taxi drivers? You get in the car and they already know your name and where you live."

"What did the group of young deer do with the broken jukebox ? They fixed it because their the fawns"

"What did the monitor say when it got punched? ""Ouch, that Hertz!"""

"[bank] Robber: EVERYONE GET DOWN! Me: [crying] my wife left & my kids think I'm a joke Robber: No I mean- Robber2: Wait! Let him finish"

"Girls like guys who take charge: ask her out, plan a date, take a hostage, overthrow a government, nuke her ex's hometown, buy her a puppy."

"I'm scared some kid is going to break into my house and fleek me to death with a bae"

"Boss: Can you send the documents Me: I am sinking in the muck of a swamp of ancient pain Boss: Ok just don't forget to send the documents"

"If I was a police sketch artist I wouldn't listen to the victim. I'd draw a majestic gay dragon then flip it over and be all, ""Is this him."""

"A man was applying for a job in the navy So, the interviewer said. ""Can you swim."" The man looked puzzled and asked. ""Why, did you run out of ships?"""

"Why did the University of Oklahoma researcher stay awake every night? He was trying to find a cure for insomnia."