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Joke of the Day

"[judge at restaurant] ""I will try... the lobster"" [2 hours later] ""I find the lobster guilty of money laundering and embezzlement"""

"COME TO ME JOURNALBOT *Journalbot enters my study* ok write this down: Polar bears are bear ghosts. ""polargeists"" [very sad robot noises]"

"Got laid off."

"Q: What's E.T. short for? A: So he can fit in his space ship."

"When the devil buys your soul he makes you sign a contract because even though he is pure evil he has an unshakable respect for tort law."

"Made a graph of my past relationships I have an ex-axis and a why-axis"

"Why do they call Hannibal Lecter ""The Mail Man""? He always delivers."

"twitter has a very ""high school class where the teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes"" vibe"

"Chuck Norris *hates* Raymond."

"A terrorist Walks into a Pet store A terrorist walks into a pet store and shouts ""Run away you only have 10 seconds before I blow this place up!"" ""You Bastard!"" The Turtle says"