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Joke of the Day

"My friends swore I was dating a witch I now know she's more of a cunt."

"What do you call a dog with no legs?... It doesn't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come."

"""Hey! I don't remember all those CGI space-dudes at the reception!""--George Lucas's wife re-watching their old wedding vids."

"Do you know what the difference between pink and purple is? Your grip."

"Q: What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store? A: Guardians of the Galaxy."

"What's the difference between ten dead hookers and the stuff in my basement? Nothing."

"[OC] I found a dead bird outside. It smelt fowl."

"Did you hear about the skeleton that couldn't go to the party? He had no body to go with!"

"Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me, I won't say a word about your ""wenital werpes"" *winks*"

"I did something terrible today Now I have to wait a year before I can post it to /r/tifu"