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Joke of the Day

"Man, you don't know how hard it is to quit smoking It's as hard as it is to start flossing - Mitch Hedberg I miss this man every day :("

"Dr: do you know why you gained weight? *Flashbacks to eating fries in the car sobbing and blasting Adele* Me: no, better run some tests"

"One did one butt cheek say to the other butt cheek? The hallway stinks."

"I came home the other day to find my girlfriend dipping twenty dollar billsin batter and frying them. I said, ""There you go again, frittering ourmoney away!"""

"Knock Knock Who's there? Allah Allah who? ALLAHU AKBAR!!!"

"You can't cry over spilled milk but you can cry over spilled wine"

"How does a blond like her eggs in the morning? ""fertilized"""

"Whoever said money can't buy happiness didn't like things as much as I do."

"Which purse runs from the law? Disburse!"

"I always buy a woman a popsicle on the first date to get a feel for how things might go later."