147803

Joke of the Day

"Saw that Poland just won the country's first gold metal.... they were so happy, they had it bronzed!"

"Sex with 3 people is called a threesome. Sex with 2 people is called a twosome. That explains why they call you handsome"

"Somewhere there's a sheep named LL Wool J. & that's what keeps me going you guys."

"What is the largest moth the world has ever seen? A mammoth"

"Why was my other pillow jealous? Because I like to sleep around."

"Came up with this years ago while waiting for my mom to wake up that morning. What happened when the bike ran over a nail? It popped a wheelie."

"Investment fail In college, an ounce of heady weed was the same price as an ounce of gold. I made terrible investments and now I'm a dog walker."

"Time zones are amazing, it's a different time all around the world. For example, in some parts of the U.S. it's still 1950."

"My mom: The liberals in California are rubbing off on you. Me: I know, it keeps getting in my hair. (silence)"

"OH MY GOD I FORGOT TO UNPLUG THE TOASTER [flash to dog in sunglasses waiting for his fifth batch of waffles to pop up]"