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Joke of the Day
"""Have you tried turning her off and then on again?"" -- Sexual Tech Support"
Next Joke
"I am one bottle of shower gel away from being able to open my own Christmas gift shop in my shower."
"Why do women have legs? Have you seen the mess snails make? Credit to Oney in [this](http://youtu.be/lZWJKhLe6wo?t=7m46s) for that one."
"My wife had the best Mother's Day I didn't ask her for sex, not even once."
"Put all your neighbors names on your Halloween tombstones in your front yard and wink when you're outside and they walk by."
"Twinkle twinkle little star, I want to hit you with a car, Throw you off a street so high, Hope you break your neck and die."
"Plastic Surgery I loaned a friend 5000 to get plastic surgery last week... I'll never get the money back, I dunno what he looks like now."
"What do you call an attraction to your own mummy? A dedipus complex."
"[buying cucumber and vaseline] me: got an awesome night planned clerk: eugh [later, eating a cucumber and vaseline sandwich] this is awful"
"My therapist says I need to overcome ""shame-based"" thinking but if it wasn't for shame I don't think I'd get a damn thing done around here."