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Joke of the Day

"Q. What did the cannibal's wife give her husband when he came home late for dinner? A. The cold shoulder."

"If we're talking & I start running my nails up & down your arm, I either really like you, or I'm looking for an artery close to the surface."

"You find love when you're not looking for it, and you can't find it when you really want to. It's sh!t like this that makes me drink."

"My therapist told me.. My therapist told me that I have a fear of confrontation. I didn't agree with her but I held my tongue in case it caused an argument."

"One might say it smells like pussy in the room But if you ask a Redditor, they couldn't tell you."

"I once dated a guy with premature ejaculation. I don't know why. I knew it wasn't going to last. In fact, I could see it coming."

"What does an old lady's pussy taste like? Depends."

"*leaves one cupcake in work kitchen* *watches live version of Hunger Games*"

"what do elephants use as a tampons? Sheep."

"How do you know an engineer is an extrovert? He stares at *your* shoes while he talks to you."