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Joke of the Day

"If we're talking & I start running my nails up & down your arm, I either really like you, or I'm looking for an artery close to the surface."

"What does a waffle call his complete existential paradigm shift? His eggo death"

"What do you call a terrorist with eight legs? An Iraqnid."

"I've started a time travellers club The first meeting will be yesterday at 5pm"

"My cat complains when I drive him to the vet, but we always end up stopping behind Red Lobster ""just for a second"" whenever he drives."

"I'm in Germany. Time to drink precisely one bier (beer) and call every man ""Hans"""

"My sister is holding her baby in one hand and a cup of Starbucks in the other, I'm going to toss her phone at her to see who gets dropped."

"TSA Terrorist Profile: male/female, aged 1 to 112, wearing clothes and traveling in US airports."

"Him: Are you perioding? Me: Are you deathwishing?"

"Can someone help me find some videos of Al Gore dancing? I'm trying to solve a Rubik's cube and a friend told me that using Al Gore Rhythms could help."