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Joke of the Day

"Prof asked if anyone liked comic books. I raised my hand. She didnt add anything or say why it mattered. Just wanted to isolate me socially."

"I'd tell a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction..."

"Open bottle, allow it to breathe. If it does not look like it's breathing, give it mouth to mouth -Beer"

"Try this: In a crowded hallway, say out loud, ""Oh my god look at the blood on her pants."" Whatever girl turns around is on her period.."

"[1st date] Me: don't let him know you're a lobster Him: we should check out my hot-tub later Me: 'yeah...sure' *nervously clicks claws*"

"Cigarettes are just like hamsters. They're perfectly harmless until you stick one in your mouth and light it on fire."

"I treat my wife the same way I treat a bottle of ketchup... I always take the top off, flip it upside down, and hit it has hard as I can."

"Why does Indiana Jones hate the letters ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWX and Y Because they're not Zs. Sorry."

"What's Batman's favorite food? Ba-na-na-na-na-na-na-na"

"What do you call a midget Mexican? A paragraph, because he's too short to be an essay!!!"