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Joke of the Day

"I treat my wife the same way I treat a bottle of ketchup... I always take the top off, flip it upside down, and hit it has hard as I can."

"GIRL: l'm tired of bad boys and their bs. I want a good boy, for a change. ME [clearly a golden retriever]: *turns to camera and winks*"

"Did you guys hear about the gay astronaut? He landed on Uranus"

"I'm selling my talking parrot. Why? Because yesterday, the bastard tried to sell me."

"Here's another great Ellen Pao Joke [deleted]"

"What's the best part about five year olds? They're hands make your cock look huge"

"How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 2, unless they're small enough to fit a third in there."

"They say there's a lot of fish in the sea but I can't hold my breath long enough to have sex with them."

"You all think Trump is funny now but just wait for the wave of white-trash kids named ""Donald"" entering kindergarten around 2020."

"How in the hell do people spell your name wrong on facebook when it's right in front of them?!"