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Joke of the Day

"How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? ask them to pronounce unionized"

"Babe, some guy told me today that if I have sex with him... ... he'll give me these earrings. What a jerk!"

"I bet Melania Trump really regrets buying a speech off Craigslist now."

"Take a chill pill? I had a friend overdose on chill pills you insensitive prick!"

"If being a disappointment were an Olympic sport.... I could win the gold, have my father present the medal to me, and it still wouldn't be enough for him to be proud of me."

"opinions are like birthdays.. everybody has one & I only know yours because of Facebook."

"Did I tell you about the time I was going down on my grandmother? All I could taste was horse semen... So I thought to myself, ""this must be how she died!"""

"If Hillary wins in 2016, it's gonna be a huge year for shoulder pads"

"My roommate was complaining to me that his favorite P!nk song never came on the radio. And i was like, ""so what?"" I'll show myself out."

"What do you call a fat computer? A Dell."