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Joke of the Day

"My grandpa told me my generation relied too much on technology I told him ""no, your generation relies too much on technology"" Then I unplugged his life support"

"What do you call somebody who is anti-vaccines? An idiot, just a god damn idiot."

"Q: How do you get 2 piccolos to play a perfect unison? A: Shoot one."

"A horse walks into a French bar... ...and the barman says, ""I'm afraid you will have to leave, Monsieur Horse. We do not serve food in here."""

"My nephew: ""Sometimes it gets puffy and I can't pee"" Me: ""Yeah, unfortunately when you get older it gets puffy and you can't think"""

"a golfer stabbed a Mexican the other day.... it was a hole in Juan"

"My date spent all night telling me that she loved Bad Boys - Then seemed disappointed when we got back to mine and I put the DVD on."

"Just ate so much burrito that halfway through, I couldn't remember a time when I wasn't eating a burrito"

"If you say ""people either love me or hate me"" it's a pretty safe bet that most of them hate you."

"I was at a bar when I finally got the liquid courage to talk to this guy... And that was the night I broke up with him."