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Joke of the Day

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."

"I was born with abnormally large arms.... ...the doctor said I was very humerus"

"What a kid I got I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. 'creds: Rodney Dangerfield'"

"What cheese is not yours? Not your cheese...."

"Did you hear about the neckbeards that raped the killer clown? They did it, Reddit."

"CW: You're not wearing a costume. M: Yes I am. CW: You're dressed as yourself? M: No. I'm a serial killer. We look just like everyone else."

"Woman: Why are you begging for a quarter? Beggar: I didn't think someone like you would give me a dollar."

"My greatest fear is sitting in front of thousands of people while my Google search history is being read aloud."

"Rabbit: Are you sure this bottle of special carrot juice will cure me? Doctor: Absolutely. No rabbit ever came back for another."

"Why did God create a man before a women? You need a rough draft before you have a final copy."