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Joke of the Day

"Everybody was Kung Fu fighting. Except Gary. Gary was in your house going through your underwear drawer. He also kissed your cat."

"She's the kind of girl that boys look at twice - they can't believe it the first time."

"Just returned from my Friends Funeral. He died from being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service."

"I used to think it was cool when all those athletes would say hi to my mom on TV."

"Hate the political process, not the politicians. Nah, who the f*#k am I kidding? Hate those politicians!"

"How can a man go eight days without sleep? No problem , He sleeps at night."

"What do you get when you mix an insomniac, a dyslexic, and an agnostic? Someone who stays up all night wondering whether or not there is a dog."

"Hitting on women at this PTA meeting would probably be easier if I actually had a kid at this school."

"When is a man smartest before, during or after sex? During that's when he's plugged into the know it all."

"Bird Seeds 1. Go to the pet store 2. Buy Bird seeds 3. Ask the cashier how long it will take for the birds to grow 4. ??? 5. Profit"