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Joke of the Day
"I got Rear-ended in traffic the other day... Thank goodness I wasn't in my car."
Next Joke
"Infants annoy me How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles? you nail it's other hand to the floor"
"Me: ""This Chardonnay is so nice, I can really taste the oaky undertones"" ""Sir those are just chunks of cork from opening it with your keys"""
"You gotta randomly lift your girl in the air, just to let her know you could throw her off a balcony if her phone ever went off after 11 PM."
"I found my first grey pubic hair today. I can accept getting old, but it was in my Big Mac."
"Fidel Castro survived 638 assassination attempts But even he could not survive 2016"
"That moment of panic when you accidentally swipe left on Bae while getting food off your phone."
"What's the difference between a catholic and and a catoholic? One is devoted to following to rules laid down by those who consider their will that of the divine. The other is a type of christian."
"Why is a pizza delivery guy like a gynecologist? They're allowed to smell it, but they get in trouble if they eat it. Teehee"
"What do you call Michael J. Fox and Muhammad Ali? Salt and Pepper shakers"