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Joke of the Day

"What do you give a girl who already has everything? Antibiotics"

"What do you call a abortion in Czechoslovakia? A cancelled check."

"Worst days in United States history.. .. 9/11 and 11/9"

"On Canada Day, I like to say ""HAPPY CANADA DAY!"" to people. But quietly. And from a distance. I don't want to be a bother."

"What do a bass guitar solo and peeing your pants have in common? It's quiet and embarrassing."

"i legitimately thought I was having a pretty productive day until I realized my phone is set to west coast time and I'm in NYC"

"I had a delicacy last night, young Wookie steak... ...it was a little Chewie."

"I melted down all my various rewards cards into a universal ""Rewards Dagger"" that gets me a discount everywhere."

"Did you hear that Protons have mass?... I didn't even know they were Catholic!"

"Yes, I have read 'Game Of Thrones'. No, It is not any different from the show. -Me, after watching Game of Thrones with subtitles."