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Joke of the Day
"Knock Knock. Who's there? 9/11. 9/11 who? I though you'd never forget."
Next Joke
"When my wife pisses me off, I get on her Pinterest and pin lots of mediocre shit, like cupcakes that just look like cupcakes."
"What does Tony Stark call his semen? Pepper spray"
"My wife told me that she needs time and distance... ...because she's calculating velocity."
"Some people say they get runner's high... I just get runner's OH GOD MY CHEST IS COLLAPSING I FEEL LIKE DEATH"
"First cannibal: My wife's a tough old bird. Second cannibal: You should have left her in the oven for another half an hour."
"While sitting on the couch my wife said ""I feel like putting on a pair of flip-flops."" Then she changed the channel to the presidential debate."
"I was born disabled I couldn't walk, had no hair, couldn't talk, just laid there and shit myself...."
"my dad is like boost mobile. where you at dog? ;("
"*hears your text message notification beep* *constantly imitates it so you check your phone for no reason*"