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Joke of the Day

"My wife told me that she needs time and distance... ...because she's calculating velocity."

"what happens when you're singing in the shower and get soap in your mouth? it becomes a soap opera"

"Why could 8 see that 6 was afraid of 7? Because 7 was mean. Get it?^Because ^6+7+8 ^^divided ^^by ^^3 ^^equals ^^7"

"Leaving your cell phone unlocked near your girlfriend is like leaving a cake near a fat kid"

"I met a girl with 12 nipples today! Sounds fun.. Dozen tit"

"Three Nazi's walk into a B.A.R. ..."

"When everyone was giving apples to their teachers, I was the one giving cucumbers... Still to this day, Mr. Smith won't look me in the eyes."

"In Maryland we can't legally carry concealed weapons so our best defense against being murdered is the zig-zag runaway."

"People admit to shopping for their girlfriends/wives all the time... but when I do it I get busted for ~~prostitution~~ human trafficking."

"I fell off a forty foot ladder today.... lucky I was on the bottom rung."