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Joke of the Day

"*me looking in refrigerator* freezer: hey buddy my ice are up here"

"*inside camp-out tent* ""Wanna hear-"" *puts torch under chin* ""-a scary story?"" *flicks torch on, it vibrates* ""OMG. ITS. NOT. A. TORCH."""

"Archaeologists digging in a pyramid in Egypt found a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts. Experts believe it to be Pharaoh Roche."

"She was wetter than a down syndromes chin."

"Caesar: Veni, vidi, vici meaning I came, I saw, I conquered. Which is probably useful for explaining why the strip club down the street now has the motto: Veni, vidi, veni."

"For sale: baby shoes, never worn. Wrong size. Should have bought from Zappos. (Note: original story reference here - it wasn't Hemingway: http://www.snopes.com/language/literary/babyshoes.asp)"

"So I saw that Princess Diana is trending on tumblr. She's all over the dashboard!"

"Why does hiring a ship illegally always cost $3.14? Because they're pi rates."

"Have you heard of the restaurant on the moon? great food, no atmosphere"

"Money can't buy happiness, but neither can poverty, and money can buy a lot of other really cool stuff, so try to have some at all times."