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Joke of the Day

"Money can't buy happiness, but neither can poverty, and money can buy a lot of other really cool stuff, so try to have some at all times."

"New Coworker: So do you have any kids? Me: Yeah, one too many New Coworker: Haha, oh yeah? How many do you have? Me: One"

"What did the bathtub say to the toilet? I get a lot of ass but I don't take no shit"

"Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day, but give a fish a man and he'll be like WTF is this I ordered worms I can't eat this"

"Stomach: I'm hungry. Brain: Chill out, dude, she's in a meeting. Stomach: I WILL NOW DEMONSTRATE A WHALE'S MATING CALL."

"What is a zebra? 26 sizes larger than an ""A"" bra."

"When I have kids I'm going to tearfully serve them scrambled eggs smothered in ketchup & tell them it's Humpty Dumpty."

"What kind of shoes to frogs like ? Open toad sandals !"

"*emailing professor after exams* it hAs been An Awesome And greAt yeAr thAnks for the AmAzing clAss you hAve tAught me A lot"

"What do climate change scientists and Donald Trump have in common? Each is desperately hoping the other is a hoax."