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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a Ritz and a lesbian? One is a snack cracker and the other a crack snacker."

"I just saw a guy with such a big dick he could fuck himself... And all I could think was how he was so full of himself."

"[funeral] Her: why is my dead grandfather wearing a diamond ring? *sliding it off his finger* Me: *gets down on one knee* because babe..."

"I'm perfectly fine with kissing frogs to find a prince...But I draw the line at kissing snakes."

"Give a man a jacket, and he will be warm for the day. Teach a man to jacket, and he will never leave his house."

"Alzheimer Joke (Not sure if repost.) I'll see myself out..."

"""the names bond, james bond"" [5 min later] STARBUCKS BARISTA: i gota frappe for borbjorbple"

"If any Americans still feel like emigrating to Canada, can you please bring up some Thanksgiving leftovers?"

"Why did they fire the contract lawyer with lazy eye? He was always dotting his T's and crossing his I's. (I made up this joke myself)"

"What would you get if you crossed a witch with a famous movie director? Steven Spellberg!"