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Joke of the Day

"When the pope dines with homeless people hes an amazing person. When I do it I'm just another homeless person."

"I find it really annoying that eating food doesn't heal wounds like I was led to believe as a kid. Damn Nintendo."

"How long does it take to cook a baby in the microwave? No clue. Too busy masturbating."

"In honor of the Million Muslim March... What do you get when you add a million lesbians to the Million Man March? Two million people that don't do dick."

"A Jewish boy asked his father to borrow fifty dollars... ""Forty dollars?! What do you need thirty dollars for?!"""

"AT&T and T-Mobile are getting married! There will be no reception."

"There was an explosion at the world's largest sprinkles factory earlier today. Fortunately there have been no fatalities, but the number of injured are reported to be in the hundreds and thousands."

"Apparently women prefer men who are taller than them. So I guess it could be said that tall women have higher standards."

"How attractive are skeletons? They're drop dead gorgeous!"

"I don't care what kinda lighter you have, its fair game if its unattended. Unless its engraved, then I'll give it back for Christmas."