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Joke of the Day

"What is white and twelve inches long? Nothing"

"Don't go broke trying to look rich... act your wage'"

"A blonde's house is on fire. She runs outside and yells ""Help me! My house is on fire! What do I do?!"" Someone else yells ""Call 911!"" The blonde yells back ""What's the number?"""

"I hate when friends send me home with leftovers in plastic containers. ""Here, you throw this food away and then clean the containers."""

"Benefits of dating me: 1. You're the smart one"

"Women call me ugly until they find out what I make Then they call me ugly and poor"

"When people don't laugh at my jokes I just assume that they're not up to my level of comedy."

"[team dumps Gatorade on head coach after victory but head coach just happens to be the Wicked Witch of the West] COACH: you idiots *melts*"

"I get about your body being a temple but... right now I wanna turn mine into a bouncy castle, it sounds more like fun. I'm all about fun."

"If these walls could talk I'd fuckin' move out immediately."