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Joke of the Day

"BUILDING INSPECTOR: what's this called DARTH VADER: the death [inspector's eyes look up from his clipboard] DARTH VADER: uh the health star"

"I used to steal jokes. I still do, but I used to, too."

"I need to get off my high horse. He's certainly in no condition to take me anywhere right now. Get yourself together, junkie."

"Did you hear about the local electrician? His rates are Shocking."

"What's gay and has no balls? A lesbian."

"How well do people with mesothelioma breathe? Asbestos they can."

"I'm diabetic, and I can't eat sweets It'll cost me an arm and a leg. (It's ok for me to post this, cos I am actually a diabetic)"

"I just caught an alien maturbating in my freezer. He looked up at me and said, ""I cum in peas"""

"Coworker: people around the office think you're too controlling Me: what's that? Coworker: oh, sorry *raises hand*"

"I thought I saw a new color today but it turned out to just be a pigment of my imagination."