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Joke of the Day

"Why shouldn't you put a baby in the microwave? Because you get better results from slowly roasting it in the oven."

"""Sound the alarm!"" ""Dude, there's no way that thing will fit."""

"Gabe Newell just died... His hair black"

"What do you do with a dog that doesn't have any legs? You take him for a drag."

"Me- Can I borrow a screwdriver? Neighbor- Phillips or regular? Me- Grey Goose and Tropicana"

"[board meeting] ""So Mr Parachute do you have a name for your invention?"" ""I call it the 'Makes the Ground Come at You a Bit Slower'."" ""No."""

"Thanksgiving was like the last supper for the Indians."

"Cell references in excel are like gold diggers. If you want them to stay in the same place you have to throw some money at them."

"What do you call a Satanist dancer? A ba'al-erina."

"Knock Knock Who's there? Allah Allah who? Allahu Ackbar! /r/unexpectedjihad"