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Joke of the Day

"Accidentally used the elephant emoji so thanks, Apple, for the next five hours of fighting"

"Did you guys see that documentary about the voice of Elmo? It's very ""touching""."

"""Oh NOW Burger King delivers!"" -Paula Deen"

"I accidentally pooed my pants in an elevator. I'm taking this shit to a whole new level."

"Just got some new ecstasy pills from Moscow.. I'm absolutely Russian my tits off!"

"A recruiter asked me if I wanted to be a hardcore developer I said sure, I've always wanted to work for PornHub"

"Funny one liner if the purpose of technology is to make our lives easier, then i need a ""voice-based-auto-adjustable-underwear""."

"Give a man a cow, and he eats for a day. Teach a man to cow, and you've probably invented some crazy new dance called the cow'."

"A man walked into a chiropodists and put his d**k on the table...The chiropodist said ""That's not a foot ""....and the man said ""I know, but it's not far off!"""

"I like how my autocorrect changes ""hun"" to ""Hun,"" like I'm playfully referring to my girlfriends as barbarous 4th-century European nomads."