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Joke of the Day

"How'd you come up with the idea? Inventor of pac man: I took a bunch of pills one night and ate a ghost. I thought ""now here's something"""

"Did you guys hear the one-liner about the Monorail?"

"When someone tells me to have a safe flight it's like ok I will do my best but just so you know I am not the pilot of the airplane"

"What do a walrus and tupperware have in common? They're both looking for a tight seal."

"ww2 Russia be like... You better Czech yourself before you rek yourself."

"My girlfriend recently asked me if I wanted to get more serious. I said, ""What do you think we can do to keep the second amendment while making sure terrorism and crime are not enacted?"""

"What is a woman ? Man with a uterus somewhere"

"My daughter asked me to help her with her math homework so I had to sit her down and explain that breast implants are way easier than math."

"With my wife it was sex, sex, sex... Yes, three times in 35 years"" -Bob Monkhouse"

"Sometimes I'll go to a grocery store and rotate all of the Tide detergents 90 degrees and yell ""THE TIDES HAVE TURNED!"" until I'm kicked out"