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Joke of the Day

"Behind every entitled shit-head kid is a parent who cuts the crusts off their sandwiches."

"What's the difference between a politician and a comedian? People care when a comedian speaks."

"I wanted to be a communist. But my dad is too rich."

"In Israel, we just want peace. A piece of Jordan, a piece of Egypt, a piece of Lebanon..."

"[tense situation in the war room] ""Ok now type in the nuke codes EXACTLY as I say them or it'll blow.1-4-7-teen"" CRAP [huge explosion]"

"They say there's a person capable of murder in every friendship group. I suspected it was Dave, so i killed him before he could cause any harm."

"What do we say to Boris Johnson and Donald Trump running the world? Hair Hair!"

"My Pollish grandma was telling me about one of the worst periods of her life She called it the concentration cramp"

"When is a door a container? When it is ajar!"

"What did the website say to the Google bot after their breakup? I knew you'd come crawling back to me someday."