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Joke of the Day

"Humans should be eternally grateful it wasn't me who was in Newton's place. If the apple hit me I'd be like ""Nice!"" & eat it. End of story."

"Yeah, sex is awesome. But have you ever put clothes on straight out of the dryer?"

"Why didint Stalin like his new IPhone? It had a 5 year plan"

"Why are leggings and sand the same? They both get stuck in camel toe."

"I can never find my cars keys but I won't forget that time you checked out another woman at the mall four years ago."

"The guys who measure out the granite so it fits nicely in your kitchen were prob mad when they found out the term counterfeiters was taken"

"The real danger of running with scissors is that a rock might fall on you."

"Heard a giant Indian guy sing with the most beautiful voice in the world. Turns out it was actually Dalip Singh"

"""Frosted Flakes aren't just good, GURLl! They're FABULOUS! (snap)"" - Antoine the Tiger, Tony's gay brother, auditioning for the role"

"I am NOT just 'a piece of meat' you know. I'm a ribeye steak... a bit fatty, but still quite tasty. Ok, I lied. I'm pork butt."