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Joke of the Day

"No one is listening until you fart."

"The average person swallows over 4,000 spiders each year. More than that. Tens of thousands. Hundreds of thousands of spiders. It's crazy."

"I Like Long Walks on the Beach until the LSD wears off and it turns out I'm dragging a mannequin around a Wendy's parking lot"

"I went fishing but didn't catch any fish It was a failure."

"I hardly ever drink Only 2 times a year to be exact On my birthday, And when it's not my birthday"

"There's a nun at my church who occasionally does stuff involving leather. And I'm okay with that, I really am. Just so long as she doesn't make a habit out of it."

"Welcome to heaven, here is your harp. Welcome to hell, here is your accordion."

"Playing the prequel to Angry Birds where the pigs fuck all the birds' wives."

"Where do generals keep their armies? in their sleevies"

"If guys were smart, they'd forget the nightclubs and watch the supermarket for girls who buy frozen dinners and cat food."