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Joke of the Day

"Some say youth is wasted on the young, I say wealth is wasted on the old. Also Oxycontin."

"Now I have 2 accounts a friend suggested I retweet myself when I'm bored. Sounds like my sex life at the moment"

"A man walked into a bar Ouch!"

"Eagles QB Michael Vick is engaged to be married. But both Rappers Pitbull and Snoop Dogg declined the invitation."

"Life with me baby is like a rollercoaster It's got a weight restriction. (Stolen from a mock the week episode)"

"[argument w/girlfriend] HER: you know what your problem is? ME: no, *grabs pen and begins taking notes* but i'm about to find out"

"When babies cry at movies: I hate when people's baby start crying in movie theaters. Bruh I didn't pay $12.50 to hear a reminder of how weak your pull out game is."

"Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted."

"Conjunctivitis.com That's a site for sore eyes..."

"The wife and I were lying in bed this morning when she said, ""I think the romance in this relationship is dead."" I wish she wouldn't talk to me while I'm having a wank."