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Joke of the Day

"If a camera adds 10 pounds then maybe stop eating them"

"How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one. She holds it up to the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her."

"Note to self: hairspray does not kill spiders; it merely increases their strength and makes them look flawless all day."

"Congratulations r/jokes on being the most eco-friendly subreddit! 95% of your material is recycled! (Love you guys <3 )"

"My friend Mark called me pretentious so I slapped him with my silk handkerchief."

"""Fiona, You up?"" -Shrext."

"[1st date] [to self] Don't let her know ur a boa constrictor Her: ""How's your meal?"" [i've dislocated my jaw & swallowed the whole table]"

"Don't die a virgin. Seriously, there are terrorists up there waiting for you."

"THERAPIST: you're running from something. what do u think it might be? [goose outside the window does throat-slitting motion] ME: uhfailure"

"What did the fish say when it swam into the wall? Ah dam!"