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Joke of the Day

"ladies, please don't call me your 'brother' 1. we did not come out of the same vagina 2. odds are i'm trying to get into yours"

"Why did Levi Strauss suffer from chronic diarrhea? It runs in his jeans."

"When attempting to make a good first impression imagine how important good grammar is. Wrong. Importanter."

"Why don't progressives go to the dentist? Because dentists like everything straight and white."

"China's stock market is down again We should have seen it coming. The red flags were everywhere."

"My second account is trying to drive a wedge of suspicion between me and my Twitter crush."

"What do you get if you cross a bear and a wolf? You get eaten is what you get. Stop upsetting scary animals."

"My mom once got drunk and stabbed me because I look like my Father... ...But hey the past is the past. She's sober now and I can finally walk again."

"Me: I'm happy right now. Life: lol, one sec bro"

"When is a train being polite at dinner time? When it choo's quietly."