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Joke of the Day
"Did you hear about how much those new prosthetic limbs cost? An arm and a leg."
Next Joke
"Her: Why did you cancel your gym membership? Me: There were some changes in the vending machines that I didn't agree with"
"I would have got the Google Glass but I don't have $1500 or any desire to strap the internet to my face."
"Start a slow-clap in a quiet, crowded room. The first person that joins you, marry them. They're your soulmate."
"My family is missing that gene that tells you when trash cans are full."
"My philosophy to everything I do are governed by the three E's Excellence, Efficiency, and Intelligence"
"Do you like tapes and CDs? Cuz I'm about to tape my dick to your forehead so you can CDs nuts"
"Despite other issues one aspect of Pokemon Go is perfect: You're always encountering new and interesting bugs."
"I don't see what people get from... Dark humor!"
"Two ducks are in a pond One says ""quack!"" The other says ""man, i was just about to say that!"""