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Joke of the Day

"On the one hand, I want to exercise and take care of myself. On the other hand, it's just more years of living on a planet full of morons."

"If you love someone, set them free. When they come back, because they will, make sure you are extremely happy with someone better looking."

"Imagine going back to the Middle Ages and telling people that we can fly in the future. They'd be like ""DUDE WTF are you wearing Crocs?"""

"Does anyone want to buy a used Theremin? I haven't touched mine in years."

"I wonder if anyone ever looked Jesus in the face and saw a piece of toast."

"Men statistically have larger brains than women, which is why men are usually smarter and elephants rule us all from their laser-hovercraft"

"am i supposed to have a separate mouth with which to kiss my mother please advise"

"How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? Five. One to change the bulb and four to beat the shit out of the black guy who was originally hired to change the bulb."

"What do you see when a Native American Princess pokes a space smuggler in the chest? Pocahontas pokin' Hans tits"

"Did you hear the news about quadriplegia research? No? Probably because they haven't been making great strides."