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Joke of the Day

"As soon as the inauguration is over, I'm getting a position on Trump's ethics committee. I'm not political, I just need some quite time alone."

"He called me ugly.... I called him an ambulance."

"I'm confused, why does the Gangnam Style guy want to launch a nuclear attack on the US?"

"Car alarms would be a lot more effective if they sounded like two people fighting. I'd peak out my window for that."

"Yeah, I know what my neighbors wear to bed. Not because I look in their windows; I just see them during the day at Walmart."

"Why is American beer like having sex in a canoe? Because it's fucking close to water"

"My doctor said I need freshly squeezed orange juice everyday I cannot concentrate!"

"God: So I was, all, what if there was a fish made of jelly? Like, jelly but alive and in the sea? LOL [angels look nervously at one another]"

"Steve Jobs will be back He's an Android afterall."

"Netflix has a doc called ""Fascism in Colour""; wouldn't this be more of a ""black-and-white"" issue?"