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Joke of the Day

"ok so, imagine star wars but instead of space it's brooklyn n uh instead of cool space guys, it's lena dunham complaining about stuff"

"My dad told me that getting a blowjob is the only way to get ahead in life."

"It was mealtime on an airplane... ...and the flight attendant asked a passenger if he would like some dinner. ""What are my choices?"" he asked. ""Yes or no,"" she replied."

"So there was a pediatrist... no, wait a doct- a... Gynecologist *that's it!* Anyway... I walk in and... ""Sorry, I fucked up the delivery everybody. Also, your baby is dead."""

"A man walking into a bar and says, ""I'll have ten times more beers than your next biggest drinker"" The bartender replied, ""Now that's an order of magnitude!"""

"A blind man walks into a bar and a table and a chair"

"The only difference between a psychiatrist and a drug dealer is that the drug dealer doesn't make you wait an hour."

"It isn't until your kids start talking back that you realize dogs would've been a better option."

"Why don't English teachers like parole? They prefer complete sentences."

"Health care in this country is a disgrace. My doctor said run 3 miles a day for a month. I'm now completely lost & 90 miles away from home."